


Muñeco

by aGoldenSpikeHell



Series: Muñeco [1]
Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, Incest, M/M, On Hiatus, Romance, Twincest, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-04-20 06:08:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4776482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aGoldenSpikeHell/pseuds/aGoldenSpikeHell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom has been living an excessive and questionable life. His father decides to send him away to live with his mother and the twin brother he never knew, Bill. Tom only wants to have a good time and play around with someone...what if that someone is his own twin? what if it turns out to be more than a game?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Muñeco](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/143039) by Sarae. 
  * A translation of [Muñeco](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/143039) by Sarae. 



> This is a translation of a very popular Spanish fanfiction that I love. (here you can find the original http://fanficofficialm.foroactivo.com/f4-fan-fiction ) All credits go to the author, Sarae and to the owner of the page. Hope I can do justice to this amazing story!

(Tom P.O.V)

 

28th of September, half-past one in the morning, Stuttgart. My way back home after an excessive night at Black was kind of horrible. I was halfway drunk and halfway hungover after two hours in the most smelly and ancient bathroom that I could find in around 20 km. I had no condoms left and the dizziness suddenly went away after the hard beating I had to give Black himself to make him forget the fact that I fucked his girlfriend. It was not my fault that his girlfriend was a bitch, selling herself for 20 euros and surely it was not my fault that I could have it from here for free.

 

I was thinking about falling in my bed and sleeping until 3 pm when I discovered an incredibly inconvenient issue: my dad changed the locket on the door, and my keys were completely useless. I hit the door with my fist a few times, stopping when I heard my fathers' voice on the other side

 

"It's for your good, Tom."

 

I was about to kick the door down, shouting at him to open it, and that I was going to beat him, to kill him as soon as I was inside. He still didn't open. If it weren't for the iron bars of my window, I could climb to my room and throw the old man out myself, but it was impossible to go through the bars. And it was impossible to force the lock since the bolt was in place.

 

I kicked the door one last time and moved to my car, that I loved more than any other human around me. No one worked harder than me to get it, not even my old man in his entire life. Sure, I got a lot of money from bets. If I beat him, you give me 20, 50 if I save you, your car won't burn, that will cost you 100, I won't kill you if you give me 200.

 

Street rules. My rules.

 

My street, my rules. My city, my system. My dolls, my play.

 

My clothes, my guitar, my hats, my belonging, everything was in the trunk. My father kicked me out like an unwanted dog.

I know what I want, mess around.

 

My father updated my car's GPS with maps and details of Hamburg and its surroundings. He also left a note on the steering wheel, surely saying how sorry he was and begging me to understand. I don't know; I never read it. I tore it apart and threw the small fragments of paper against the front door, spitting on it.

 

Then Guetti moved closer to me, with the cut tail between his legs, howling pitifully.

 

"Hope you leave her with Andreas, you damned son of a bitch!" I screamed at my dad inside, walking to the car and getting inside in the worst mood possible. I lit a cigarette and brought it to my lips while starting the car.

 

It was crazy to get to this extreme for my social integrity, for my excessive behavior and my questionable activities in life.  Who cared if I was on the street with a bad attitude and the desire to go to the head of everyone in my way? Who cared how much I drunk or smoked, or if I was going back to drugs? Who cared how much sex I had in a day? Who cared if I was not using condoms? Who cared if I was beating the weaker or getting into street fights if I was stealing cars or breaking something if I was doing graffiti or burning things? I was a criminal, a troublemaker, no one could deny it, so what? Who cared? My father? As long as he could be a victim, he surely didn't care. My mother? That woman who never came to visit in 4 years? The one who was trying to avoid me? Why did she suddenly care about me, enough to take care of an outsider like me? Why my parents, after not speaking for years, they decided to get back in contact just to decide what to do with me?

 

I couldn't see the end of that. So there I was, driving to Hamburg at 130 km/h to never come back, going for  a chance, driving to know my mother and that twin brother I couldn't remember.

 

I knew my mother was a lawyer, wealthy and probably and probably a freak for rules and laws, posh, used to live in luxury, dressed in black, with glasses and a Rottermeier complex. I was a criminal. I spent more time at the police station than at home, marked in my 19 years old by my criminal records, and I was certainly not prone to change myself into a posh and disgusting child. Exactly like that twin I still didn't know.

 

It was easy. I am as I am, and they were quickly going to kick me out of there too. I wasn't hoping for anything else. Honestly, I had no desire to fit into that world, or, as I was sure, into any other. Honestly, I didn't give a fuck about fitting in.

 

I liked the way I was. I loved to play God. I wanted to pick up fights, to feel the blood of others on my hands, feel the pain, see it, touch it, to feel the real pleasure of sex, rough and fast. I was not interested in being accepted there, not at all.

 

I wanted to find a toy to play with for the time it took me to put up with living there. A doll, a pretty doll to play with, to experiment with, to take risks with, to enjoy the sex as much as possible and everything involved.

 

A doll to hurt… to break.

 

I didn't care who it was or what it was for me. I wasn't picky, any beautiful creature, with fair skin and porcelain body and easy to play with would do. Anyone, the closer, the better… anyone.

 

It was all about playing with a perfect doll I could see around me, I couldn't care less who it was.

 

How could I think that my twin brother could be the perfect doll?

 

But what did I care if he was?

 

A doll close and perfect that was already there waiting for me.

 

Who would have guessed? Maybe a girl, but no

 

The perfect toy, my twin brother Bill.

 

My Doll.

 

Poor Doll…


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill doesn't usually do one night stands.   
> Simone went to bring Tom home so the twins can finally meet again.  
> Is it really the first time they see each other?  
> Read to find out!

“Oh,” I moved the straw from my lips after drinking my vodka again, startled and shrinking at the sudden shiver running down my spine when he laid his hand on my shoulder. 

“Are you alone?” we looked at each other, and he sat next to me without asking for my permission. Suddenly I was very nervous. 

“Oh, well…”I swallowed quickly. The person who just came closer to me had a deep voice, very different from mine. I couldn’t say why that surprised me so much that cold sweat ran over my body while I turned to see who he was. His clothes were way too large, I’d say at least six sizes bigger. And dreadlocks. I’ve never really liked dreadlocks, to me it looked like a careless and dirty way to keep your hair, but on him it looked good no matter what. His lower lip was pierced, his eyes light and clear and a hat. I’ve never met anyone like him, I didn’t know what to think of him. I felt a small shiver when he thoroughly stared at me, assessing me only with his eyes, from head to toe, until he finally looked me in the eyes. He held his breath and smiled. It was a mischievous and seductive grin, and that paralyzed me. 

We were in the kind of bar where people were pawing at your ass every two steps, and there was such a crowd around you that it was impossible to tell who was doing it. For that reason, when he sat next to me, I got nervous. 

I tried to find a familiar face, Gustav or Georg, but I couldn’t see them anywhere and I could feel fear coiling in my stomach. 

“What are you doing here alone?” the guy next to me asked again. He was about my age, that helped me relax a little. 

“No… No, I’m not alone. I’m here with… A few friends that…” I tried to find them again, but I was out of luck. “… Are not here. I have to find them” He was laughing. 

“Are you in a hurry? Let me buy you something…”

“No, thank you.”

“Please? If you move around here, you’ll probably have everyone’s fingertips on your ass” I was thinking about it. I really didn’t want to go back to people feeling me up while everyone else was having fun at my expense. I sat back again. 

“Okay,” I finished my vodka, feeling a little uncomfortable. He was staring at me out of the corner of his eyes, and as soon as I finished my drink, another one was already in front of me. I was feeling nervous again. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You know, from afar I thought you were a woman.”

“Really?”

“No offense.”

“None to take,” I lied “ If you thought I was a woman then you shouldn’t be here…”

“I wanna be here. Woman or man, you captured my attention. Even if I leave now, I think that no matter how much I try, I won’t be able to take my eyes off of you.”

I lowered my head, and I felt my cheeks reddening. 

“That…I don’t…”

“You have a girlfriend?”

“Until last winter… Yes,” I think I didn’t answer that, or maybe if I did, I must have said yes.

“Interesting,” he was quiet for a while.

“And a boyfriend?” I coughed surprised by his question when my drink went down the wrong pipe, taking my breath away. He started to hit me gently on the shoulders, trying to contain his laugh, and I shuddered when I felt his warm hand on my naked arm. I felt the sparks caused by that small touch flying, and he moved his hand as if the contact with my skin shocked him. He lifted an eyebrow, staring at me surprised and interested. 

We connected.

“What’s your name?”

“Bill,” I answered him. I still didn’t step back. 

“Bill… I have a brother named Bill.”

“Really? I have a brother too, but I haven’t seen him since I was four years old, and he’s coming tomorrow morning from Stuttgart.” 

He opened his mouth surprised like he was about to say something, but he didn’t, he merely smiled. 

“From Stuttgart?”

“Yes, why?” 

“Oh…” he turned his head a little and for a moment he was silent. 

“Nothing.” I drank a sip of my vodka a little more cheerful but still nervous.

“And you haven’t seen him since you were four years old?” 

“No. My parents are divorced, and my father took my brother, I stayed with my mother. It’s… Like in that story in which they separated two twins and they knew nothing about the other…”

“You’re twins?”

“Yes… Or that’s what they told me. I can’t remember much. I just remember that we looked identical when we were four, and we used to play with the sand at the park building castles.”

“And you didn’t hear anything about him since then?”

“Exactly.”

“And why suddenly after….?”

“15 years.”

“You’re 19?”

“Yes,” I smiled “My birthday was a few weeks ago.”

“What a coincidence, mine too,” he murmured with amusement. “And why is he coming now from Stuttgart? To… See you?” I rolled his eyes and moved the empty glass from me, turning in my seat to be in front of him.

“It's a long story.”

“I have all night,” he smiled. Not only we obviously connected, but I also liked him. 

“He got in trouble. My mother told me he insulted a teacher, he hit him, my brother defended himself, and that was it. But then he got into a fight and when he was expelled from university, he set fire to the professor’s car, pissed off by the expulsion. He spent the night at the police station, and his charges were serious because it wasn’t the first time they caught him doing something like that. They were going to send him to jail but my mother is a lawyer, and she had contacts. She paid the bail for him and agreed with my father about sending my brother here as soon as possible, hoping he could find some sense.”

“I see…” he drank his glass in one sip, without taking his eyes from me “Your brother is bad.”

“Yes… And I’m scared of that.”

“Why?” that sneaky smile never left his face

“Well… Picture this. My mother is out almost all day long, that’s enough time to gag me, tie me up, beat me and abuse me. I’m telling you, you’ll see my dead body on the news!”

I laughed with him, and I felt the tension melting away. I’ve never told anybody about my brother, and in five minutes with him I was able to lift that weight from me. 

“It must be hard, right? ”

“Yes. That’s why my friends dragged me here today. They wanted me to find someone and….” I blushed. He caught my eyes and licked his lips, touching his piercing with the tip of his tongue. I flexed my legs under the table and for a moment I wanted to put my hand between my thighs, trying to avoid the inevitable. 

I’ve never felt anything like that, and I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never been interested in guys, and I was even less interested in one night stands. That kind of thing was against my moral, but he was looking at me in a way that made me want to forget everything about morals. Should I let him? 

“My friends too brought me here as a… Farewell party” I swallowed at those words. 

“Where are you going?”

“I’m moving to Hamburg, and I won’t see them much.” 

“Here? You’re moving here?”

“Yes… Close,” he laughed, but I couldn’t see what was so funny about that, “maybe this is not the only time I'll see you.”

“Maybe…”

“Would you like to see me again?” I felt his eyes fixed on me, waiting for an answer. I had to lower my head in embarrassment. My straight dark hair was like a black curtain, hiding my red cheeks from his curious eyes and he gently moved the locks behind my ears. I felt electricity sparkling again, but this time it didn’t startle me, I felt tingles that made me shiver with pleasure through my whole body. 

“I have to go…” I felt his breath against my ear, and I shuddered again. “Do you want to come with me?” 

He laid his hand on my thigh, close to my groin and he squeezed gently. I almost jumped from my seat with my heart pumping my blood in one single place. I probably didn’t have any left in my brain, not enough to realize that it wasn’t a good idea. 

I liked him and in a way and I wanted to try something else, but only with him. Not this night, or any other night I accepted offers from other people. He was special, our small connection was special, even though I couldn’t say if it was a good thing or not. 

I let my instinct guide me. 

He squeezed my hand tight, and I let him guide me through the crowd of people inside the bar. I kept my head lowered, incapable of looking up. My face was red, and I felt like my head could explode, like my heart. I felt like I was floating on a black cloud, my brain kept shouting that it wasn’t a good idea, but I wanted it, I just wanted it. 

Since I was going to live my next months and possibly years in hell with that lost cause that was my brother glued to me, at least I’d keep the memory of this night in mind. I was sure that I was about to live a night I’ll never forget. The same instinct that convinced me to leave with him was now saying that I’ll forever keep in my heart and mind what was about to happen. 

Just as we were opening the door, I saw Gustav on my right. He was with a girl, a glass in his hand and he was looking at me with his eyes wide and mouth half opened in surprise. I avoided his gaze and quickly walked away. 

He left my hand when we made it outside. 

“Nervous? It seems like you’re freezing,” He smiled that sexy grin of his and I felt goosebumps rising all over my body, now ringing with excitement. Now that we were outside, under the lamppost, his face looked like pure attraction. It was almost like it reminded me of something, but I couldn’t remember what. I felt like I’ve been knowing him my whole life. 

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly as if he was almost expecting something to happen now that I could see him under the lights. 

“Yes, it’s nothing... Is just that…” we begin to walk toward a dark street. My nerves were back, making me anxious when I fully realized I didn’t know anything about him. And I let him take me out like it was no big deal. “A friend of mine saw me.”

“And that’s bad?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Hope he doesn’t think I’m gonna do dirty things to you,” he said smiling. I laughed nervously. 

“That’s my car” my eyes fell on a big dark Cadillac, almost hidden in the darkness of the street, parked alone. I swallowed again.

“The Cadillac?”

“Yes,” he looked very proud of his car. And he had every right to be. I didn’t like cars, they never got my attention, but that one was great. I tried to peek inside, but the windows were tinted. 

“It's really big.”

“It's not the only big thing I have” When I realized what was going on, his arms were already around me, pinning me between his body and the car. I let my hands fall on the hood surprised. My lips were trembling, and I could feel an icy cold wind against my legs. His lips were grazing mine.

“It’s… The first time you’re doing this?” I asked stuttering. He sighed and laughed. 

“Depends. In the car, yes. With a guy, yes, again.” Suddenly, I was feeling very shy. I was trembling all over, and the thought of the simple contact that his lips were going to have with mine made me feel intimidated, I wanted to move back. My knees hit the dashboard, and I fell forward. My back was against the hood of the car, and I was laying half on him. I heard his muffled laugh against my ear, and he turned his face a little, enough to lower his forehead against mine. 

“Don't be nervous. I’d never break such a pretty doll.”

Doll… 

At that time of the night, in winter, on a dark street, the temperature could easily get below zero, and I was seriously starting to feel the cold.   
The warmness spreading from my crotch and extending to my body though was enough to make me forget about that. 

His piercing was grazing my lips every time he shifted, trying to capture my lips and succeeding in that task. He found my lips and immediately deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue inside my mouth. He was moving over my lips, playing with my tongue and grazing my tongue piercing a few times. He was smiling when we parted, and I could see a small thread of saliva connecting our lips. 

“Piercing,” he licked his lips. It was so fucking sexy watching him doing it. I could feel my cock pressing against my pants. I was so hard it almost hurt. 

One of his hands started to sneak under my shirt. It was cold, and he moved fast, eager to reach my skin, as cold as ice, sending little shivers of pleasure through my body. I threw my head back, my mouth halfway opened to let short pants out, and I could see a small fog created by my breath. He found my nipple with his cold fingers, and gently rubbed it. 

“Ah!” I was trembling when he closed his lips around it, swirling his tongue over my nipple. I let my hands move on his shoulders, clawing at it with my nails when he bit down on it “aahh no!"

“No? He pinched my other nipple harshly. I was torn between the pain and pleasure closing my throat. I wanted to let go and moan, but before I could do that he put his hand over my mouth, letting his body cover mine completely. I shivered again at the contact with the cold hood against my naked baclìk. 

“Don't make too much noise. We’re on the street.” I was about to have sex in a public place with a stranger, and all I could do was blush and close my mouth. Someone must have hit me, it was the only reason why I was going crazy. I had no other explanation for what I was doing. I couldn’t understand how could I let someone do this to me, someone I just met. His eyes, his smile and his moves had me hypnotized. 

“You can touch me if you want, I won’t bite,” he made fun of my stillness, so I dared to reach his head with my hands. His dreadlocks tangled around my fingers, his touch was not hard but not too gentle. I took his hat off carefully and joined our lips. I closed my eyes and our lips opened, our tongues sneaking inside the other’s mouth, sharing our breaths and sighs. 

His cold hands rested on my back, caressing it with the tips of his finger, raising goosebumps all over me and moving until he met the waistline of my pants. He captured my lower lip between his teeth and he started to lick it and to leave wet kisses on it. I could feel my groin tightening every time his hands dared to move under my pants, grabbing my ass roughly.

He parted from me to take the big hoodie off, feeling all too hot. 

Underneath that he was wearing a large shirt. He moved over me again to bite my chin, and his tongue started to move from my neck to my ear, sensually licking the lobe. I felt the hard muscles of his abs rubbing against me, and I was incredibly aroused by that contact with my crotch. 

“Oh fuck!” I couldn’t hold back my scream. He parted from me suddenly, and he stared at me seriously, like I’ve never seen him doing before as if he suddenly realized something. I feared he was going to move aside. 

“What… What’s going on?” I whispered, and I noticed the movement of his Adam’s apple when he swallowed. 

“Nothing,” he was smiling again.

He started to lower my pants with such a haste that made my heart beat faster. Our eyes met, and I was suddenly feeling so ashamed. I was trembling when I was left almost entirely exposed to the cold air, totally exposed to him. I was incredibly turned on, and my cock was hard and stiff for him to see. I closed my eyes, and he laughed. 

“You’re so hard,” he whispered. He moved back, and I managed to curl up a little. I was freezing, trying to put my shirt back on shivering. I stared at how he started to lower his large pants, enough for me to see his cock as hard as mine. I swallowed nervously. 

“You’ve never done this before?”

“Wh-What?” I stuttered. My teeth were rattling “No…”

“You're shaking,” he murmured. He rested his forehead on mine. I could feel his hot breath against my cold lips, and he started to give me small little kisses. 

“Damn, you’re freezing!” I turned his head at that moment, and his body was covering me again, making me feel his warmth. His hands were busy caressing my side so roughly that I wasn’t feeling the cold anymore. 

“I’m sorry. I’m a real idiot,” I heard him whispering in my ear, and he raised me gently. My legs doubled when I met the ground, almost making me fall if it wasn’t for him holding me up. 

“No, no…” I moved as much as the cold allowed me when he took me into his arms and brought me to the door of his car. “Let me go…” he opened the door and put me inside, on the backseat. 

“Wait here,” he said before closing the door. Where was he going naked, except for his boots? I snuggled up there, flexing my legs and touching them, trying to feel warm again. How in the world did I end up in such an awkward situation? At least in this chunk of a car it was hot. 

He came back from the driver’s door, and he started the car, turning on the heating system. He was gone again, but after a few seconds the door on my side opened. He got inside, and I moved away, leaving him space. He was holding the clothes he took from me earlier and his hoodie, which he put over me, covering me up. 

“Better?” He asked. I nodded my head. 

“I was afraid you were turning blue,” He smiled. At least my teeth were not rattling anymore. 

“You want me to take you home?”

“Already?” 

“It's 5 in the morning. You have other plans or… you want to go on?” he stared at me with that dirty smile that made me blush again. “You can get dressed here if you want, I won’t look.” I covered up more with his hoodie, trying to hide the fact that I was still turned on, no matter the cold. It smelled like him. 

“You don’t want to go home?”

“It's not that.”

“Then what?”

“Nothing…” I wanted to spend more time with him. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“You don’t wanna go home?” he raised an eyebrow. 

“It's not that. I told you I was going to move here, but I don’t have a place until tomorrow, so I thought about sleeping in the car tonight.” 

“Oh…” I curled up even more in his hoodie until I realized that if I was going to stay there, he couldn’t sleep. 

“If you want me to go so you can get some rest…”

“No!“ his smile was so charming, “If you wanna stay… I don’t wanna sleep alone today, it’s so dark outside,” he made a funny face that made me laugh “and outside it’s cold, here it’s cozy.” 

 

“Right,” His smile disappeared, and he turned serious again. He started to torture his piercing nervously. 

“If you want…” he moved a little toward me “Your lips are still blue…”

“They're still cold, I need the warmth. I’m still cold…” his hand caressed my chin softly, moving our lips closer again. 

“I still want to play with my doll.” 

I couldn’t understand what he meant with , but it didn’t sound too bad. 

Our lips crashed together, our tongues even more eager than before to touch the other again. His hoodie ended up plastered against my naked body when he laid over me on the seats. My hands removed the fabric from his forehead and pulled the hair tie that kept his dreadlocks in place, never parting his lips from mine. 

He pulled back from me, grasping the arms that circled his neck, separating them. I let my hands fall over my head obediently, watching as he rid himself of the shirt, leaving it with my stuff. His dreadlocks fell over his back and chest. The need to feel those muscles hit me hard.

“You fool people wearing clothes so large,” he laughed, quickly lowering his pants again. 

He was naked above me. Never in my life I felt like I wanted to touch someone so bad, and I’ve never wanted anyone to touch me so bad.

“I want… I,” he moved over me, trying to keep a small distance between our bodies. He was panting too, and his body was glistening with sweat caused by the heating and the arousal. 

“What do you want? I’ll do everything you ask.” I had to close my eyes. 

“Touch me.”

His hands were now warm, calloused and a little rough, but I liked his touch, he was turning me on so much. He caressed my neck and arms, my back and my chest fondly, his eyes never leaving mine. He laid on top of me, circling my waist and rubbing it with his thumbs. Our cocks were deliciously rubbing with each movement, and we were moaning loudly. 

“Kiss me.” 

Suddenly it was almost too hot. We were both covered in sweat. My fingers were busy exploring his back, almost scratching him. His hands never left my ass, squeezing it gently. Our lips were still moving over each other, our tongues playing incessantly. My hands abandoned his back and caressed his shoulders, moving toward his chest. 

“Someone’s horny I see…” he joked parting from my lips to kiss my jawline and neck. I laughed too, feeling the hard lines of his defined muscles with my fingers. He bit my neck and lowered himself completely over me. I moaned loudly, and I heard him doing the same when my hand finally gripped something harder than his abs. 

“If you touch me like that… I’m gonna burst.” 

“It's not a bad idea.” 

“But then the game stops, doll” My hands were back on his neck, our foreheads resting against each other, our lip red and swollen from all the kissing. 

“Do it in me” His mouth was half opened, taking in much needed air and he grinned. 

“Come here,” His hands stopped on my hips, pulling me up enough to make me put my forearms on the seats, raising my shoulders a little, and he grabbed my ass. 

“Doll…”

The heat was rising, and I felt my heart beating faster. 

“Fuck me,” I surrendered myself to him. To a stranger. That sounded so weird, so impossible for me, something I’d never do but…He was not a stranger, he was more…

All I knew was that he was making me feel so much pleasure, I wanted to spend the night with him and enjoy it. 

“Ahhh!” he pushed inside me a little too fast, and I screamed. It wasn’t that good, feeling something so big and hard inside you moving harshly. I was in pain, a few tears escaping my eyes. He was squeezing me against his body, and I arched my back to let my head fall back on the seats. It was more painful every time he moved. I clenched my teeth, trying to hold back from shouting, hoping for him to finish as fast as possible when he stopped. 

I opened my wet eyes and noticed how slowly he was lowering me on the seats again, without pulling out. 

“Why… Did you stop?” his hand was on my cock, massaging it slowly. I was trembling. 

“Touch yourself,” he whispered, and my hand sneaked down my body. That gentle touch was enough to raise goosebumps over me. His eyes fixed on me, trying to capture my every movement, were arousing me more and more. Our hands met when they both closed over my hard on. I could feel my cock hardening even more. 

He started to move over me again, laying on top of me. His breath was coming out in short pants mingling with mine, our lips grazing together as we shared the same breath, sharing the same body. 

The pain went away as soon as our hands started to move on my cock, squeezing it in time with his deep thrust. I was shivering with pleasure with every single touch, every kiss, every stroke, every thrust. 

His hard body was brushing against my crotch, rubbing the tip of my cock. 

“I can’t… Hold back…” loud moans were escaping my throat. His voice was deep and low against my ear. 

“Oh God,” I heard him say, and I closed my eyes. My mind was blank, all I could do was circling his hips with my legs, pushing his cock harder inside me. I was clutching his back with my free hand, gripping his dreadlocks between my fingers. 

We were moving faster and rougher, lost in our pleasured haze, and we couldn’t hold back much longer. 

Soon I felt my hand wet with my cum, I arched my back and let my mouth fall open soundlessly. I felt like I was drowning in pleasure, my mind empty and my heart beating furiously. I felt him releasing inside me, filling me with his cum. He thrust inside me one more time, and I screamed as hard as my throat allowed me while pulling on his dreadlocks. I heard him panting against my ear, and he was still rubbing my cock with his hand. The touch on me oversensitive skin was too much, I moved back a little, and we collapsed against each other. 

Our short pants were the only audible sound in the silence that fell between us while we tried to catch our breath. I was sweaty, and his body was still against mine. I was also wet, but I couldn’t care less.

I felt my eyes close, bundled up in that warm cocoon and feeling safe with his arms around me. I thought he fell asleep with his head on my chest since he was so quiet. His hand moved a few locks of hair plastered to my face, and his lips kissed my throat. 

“Doll…”

“Mh…”

“You want to sleep with me what’s left of the night?

“Mhh..” he laughed.

“I’ll take you home,” he moved back from me, and I opened my eyes wide. I loudly complained grumbling and lifting my arms, waiting for him to come back to me, “your brother will come today.” 

“You want to kick me out.”

“I want to sleep.” 

I immediately sat up.

“I’m sorry,” I started to collect my stuff, and I felt a small pressure on my chest. “I’m sorry I…” I began to realize what a stupid mistake I did, and I felt ashamed. “…It means nothing,” Nothing but a one night stand. Just a one night stand. 

I put on my boxers and pants quickly, feeling as if I was in a hurry to escape and run from there. I wanted to cry. 

“You know what?” he was getting dressed too, more slowly, keeping it cool, watching me with that bad boy smile that made me shiver. “I’d like to spend more time with you, even if it doesn’t look like that. I enjoyed it a lot.” I lowered my head, putting on my shirt again. I was feeling so embarrassed. He held a strand of my hair and brought it to his lips. The heart, sometimes… 

“There were many nights, but this, this was the most special,” He let my hair slip free, moving them from my face and tucking it behind my ear before leaving. He sat in the driver seat and looked at me from the mirror. 

“You're not coming? I’ll bring you home, you have to give me the directions.”

 

……..

 

“Bill!! May I know where the hell you are? We tried to call you all night!” 

I had to move the phone from my ear since Georg’s screams were killing my ear. I made a face at the echo of his voice coming from the phone, sighing and rolling my eyes, patiently waiting for him to finish his lecture without uttering a word.

“Georg, shut up…”

“We were so worried man! Gustav said that you left, he was freaking out! Where the hell are you?”

“I… I’m on my way home,” I looked out from the opened window. The air helped me clear my mind. I needed that. 

“Your house? We’re still out! Why you didn’t wait for us, why you didn’t tell us anything?” 

“Because you were too busy looking for someone to spend the night with, and you left me alone! That’s why!”

“Bill…” he sighed. “I’m sorry man, where are you? We’ll come to get you.”

“It's fine. I’m… Going by car. Someone’s taking me home,” I looked at him from the corner of my eyes, he seemed focused on the road, but I knew he was listening. I don’t know why, but I knew. 

“Someone’s taking you home?! Who?” 

“Well…”

“Gustav wants to talk with you,” I swallowed nervously 

“I don’t wanna talk, I’m tired.”

“But…”

“I don’t care. I’m okay, don’t worry. Tomorrow I’ll call you to make sure you don’t freak out too much.”

“Okay. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m great.” 

“And who’s taking you home? It’s someone we know, right?” I rolled my eyes

“Of course.” 

“Okay, good night then… And ring me when you get home or I won’t sleep’”

“Yes mum, I love you too,” I hung up. 

“Your friends?”

“Yes,” since he started to drive an uncomfortable silence fell into the car. I couldn’t sit still and quiet at the same time, I just couldn’t, it was beyond me. “They’re good, a little stupid and crazy, but good.” 

“And yet they left you alone at a party.”

“Yes… no… well, actually… They’re not bad.” 

“If they were real friends, they would have stopped this.”

“This?”

“They would have stopped me from catching you.”

“That’s not… Bad. It’s nothing I should worry about…” his lips curved up into a smile, “right?” I asked, a little shy. His smile widened. 

“Of course not! I’m a decent guy, going to the function every Sunday and who’s always staying away from trouble. Always!” I felt the irony in those words. 

“It’s on the left,” he turned and after a few meters I spotted my house.   
“Here.” 

I couldn’t believe we arrived so soon. I bit my tongue. Maybe it was better if I kept my mouth shut. Gustav was going to give me hell tomorrow, and Georg was going to lecture me and beat some sense into me and my brother… My brother…

“My brother…” I stared at the front door, it seemed like it was an abandoned house, dark and gloomy. 

“Are you really scared of your brother?” he laughed at me, and I pinched his arm, pretending to be angry. 

“Of course I’m not! I’m just nervous, that’s all.” 

I opened the door and slowly left his car. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to… I wanted another night, but he didn’t stop me.

“Thanks for… Bringing me back.”

“My pleasure, doll.” 

I smiled, what else was I supposed to do?

“Well, maybe… I’ll see you around.” 

“Doll…” he gestured me with his finger, and I moved forward before closing the door. He suddenly grabbed my chin and kissed my lips. He put something in my jacket’s pocket, and he let me go, shoving me out of his car. “If your brother causes problems to you, call me. I’ll kill him,” he laughed wickedly and closed the door.

Before I could answer, he was gone. 

I tried to sneak into the house without any noise, careful not to wake my mother up. It was 8 in the morning, and there was already light outside. I moved to the kitchen to get some water when I noticed that everything was exactly as I left it. The dirty dishes were still in the sink, everything looked the same. Mom didn’t come back, she was spending the night with Gordon. Awesome. More work for me. 

But first, sleep. I needed it. 

I was still wearing his hoodie when I went to the bathroom with the intention of having a quick shower, but I changed my mind. His scent was all over me, I was feeling him so close. 

Thinking about him, I got into my bed, clutching his huge hoodie to my chest. I could call him with the excuse of giving it back to him so we could meet again. 

I fell asleep.

I didn’t even ask his name.

 

…….

 

“Bill! Where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you for the whole day!” I had to move my phone from ear to not hear him shouting… Again. 

“Good morning, Georg, that’s where you usually start.”

“I told you to ring me when you get back, what was so difficult about it?”

“I’m sorry, I fell asleep.”

“To hell! I wanna see you in five minutes!”

“Or maybe no. Why do you wanna meet so soon?”

“Why? Why? Details, Bill, I want every detail. You had sex, didn’t you?”

“I…”

“Didn’t you?”

“Mh…” 

“Gustav told me that… no, idiot!!” I heard a few hits and shouts. I decided to hold my phone on my neck and shoulder while I was washing the dishes. 

“Ah!” the dinner leftovers stuck to my nail, and I shook my hand in disgust, splashing water on my face. I ruined my nail polish, and a small drop of soap managed to enter my eye, stinging. I was suddenly remembering why I never washed the dishes and preferred doing something else like cooking or cleaning. 

“Bill, it’s me.” The phone fell to the floor while I was rubbing my eye with my arm, trying to make the sting go away. All I managed to do was get mascara all over my arm, ruining my makeup. 

“Shit!” I had to get to my knees to retrieve my phone from under the table.

“Bill? Are you there?” I heard Gustav on the other side of the line. I gripped my phone and raised it to my ear. While I was trying to stand up, I hit my head on the table.

“Oh fuck!”

“Bill, are you okay?”

“Yes, yes!”

“What happened man?”

“Nothing,” I was rubbing my head with my hand still smelling like that horrible soap I was using. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. 

“I can’t come, seems like Georg didn’t understand that, tell him!”

“Why you can’t come?”

“My brother… My mother went to take him home and…”

“Okay, I understand, but we have to talk about…Yesterday, I…” I sighed. “I saw you, Bill.”

“Oh….”

“And you saw me too, don’t try to fool me…”

“What did you say to Georg?

“What was I supposed to say? Because I have no idea of what happened. You were there, a guy was holding your hand and suddenly… Bill? What happened tonight? You know him? What did you do?”

“Gustav… I’ll tell you another time, okay? Now my brother is coming, and I’m very stressed and… We’ll talk…”

“Are you alright?” I was sure my voice was giving me away. I had a sore throat, and I was so cold. Maybe I had a fever too. It wouldn’t be too weird considering what I did in winter, on the streets.

“Yes, we’ll talk soon.” 

“Wait, Bill!” I hung up. I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I wasn’t in the mood for anything actually. 

What was wrong with me? I woke up thinking about him, spent the whole morning thinking about him, and I couldn’t shake the thoughts from my head, nor did I know what was going to happen with my brother. 

I stared at my phone and bit my lip. I added the phone number he put in my pocket, and I named it “Him”. It was vague and unclear, but I didn’t know his name… nor if I was headed in the right direction. 

I coughed a few times. I zipped my jacket all the way up. It was so cold, and I hurt all over. I sneezed. Yes, I was sick. 

I put my hand on the floor to stand up from under the table, and I found it soaked. I forgot the fridge open, and I tried to run to close it, but I hit my head against the corner of the table again, falling and ending up soaked too. Now I had to clean the floor again, and I had to take another shower. 

I was tempted to go back to my room, snuggle under the covers, grab his hoodie from under the pillow and curl up around it. I stared at my phone again. 

I wanted to call him. I’d feel better after hearing his voice, and knowing his name… But I didn’t dare. Maybe a little later.  
I heard the keys in the lock. 

“Great!” 

“Bill, darling, we’re here!” My mother excited voice made me blush. She kept calling me darling, dear or honey, even in front of my friends and now with my brother too. 

I hoped she was going to treat him like that too, at least I wasn’t going to be the only one here. 

I sighed nervously and felt a little dizzy I started to move toward the door when I clumsily stepped into the puddle of water under the fridge and slipped, falling backward and hitting my head again.   
“Fuck!”

“Oh dear!” When I started to realize what was going on, my mother was in front of me, crouching down and I had to add shoulder pain to the mix, “Dear, are you alright?”

“Yes...” 

“Oh thank god!” she hit me on the arm lightly while I was trying to stand up, causing me to lose my balance. I had to grip the table not to fall again. “You know you have to watch your language!“ 

“Mom, I fell, it was a reflex.”

“Bill, don’t talk back to me! Tom…” her voice was kind again when she turned to look past the threshold, “… I’m sorry, but I hate that kind of language in my house, so if you’re used to doing that, forget it here, clear?”

“Clear.”

I was paralyzed. Completely frozen, dead. My heartbeat was distant, a distressed feeling swallowed me whole. A small whistle in my ears isolated me from the reality of what was in front of me. 

“Darling…” my mom smiled at me, his face lit. She moved her arms around my shoulders gently “it’s been a long time since you two saw each other… this is your brother, Tom.” 

I stopped breathing as soon as our eyes met. Those eyes that the night before looked at me filled with desire. Those lips that moved all over my skin, that smile wide, hiding the truth.

Tom… my twin brother.

“It's been a very long time… Bill,” he addressed me with a dark voice. His lips spelled a word that I was the only one able to capture. 

Doll.

“Bill, dear, you don’t look so well… You’re so pale… Bill? Bill?” Suddenly everything was black. “Bill, darling!!”

Black, black, everything black. 

My twin brother? Him? And me? A doll? His doll?

Oh my God, what did I do last night? 

I was left with that question unanswered. 

Black, everything was black.

His smile…

Did I seriously turn into my twin brother’s doll?

I guess I’ll have to live from now on with that question in my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews truly help a lot, let me know what you think guys!


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What really happens the day after the disaster?   
> Read to find out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading it, I'd love to know if you like it or not so leave me a comment please!

I felt dizzy even in my sleep. I was unconscious, but the headache was killing me, and I was shivering with cold. I was in pain everywhere, especially in my throat, scratchy, like when I cried for a long time. Was I crying? I couldn’t remember that.

“He has a high fever, maybe I should bring him to the hospital…” I heard my mom’s worried and soft voice in the distance as if it was coming from another reality. 

“It’s just a fever, nothing will happen to him. It must be the flu or something like that, don’t worry. I’ll take care of him.” I couldn’t say who that voice belonged to, was it Gordon?

“I don’t know if I should go… What if he gets worse?” 

“I can take him to the hospital myself, but I don’t think it will be necessary.”

“Hmm…”

“You don’t trust me?” That imposing voice turned almost pitiful. 

“Oh, of course, I trust you dear! I’m just worried… Are you sure you can watch over him alone?”

“Yes!” 

“Alright then, I leave him to you. If he gets worse, call me. The number is next to the phone, with the other emergency numbers. Bill is so forgetful that when he was younger he was always taking notes on his arms.” 

“A little bothered?” 

“No, perhaps it’s just that I’m overprotective. Well, I have to go to work dear. Call me if something happens.” 

“Bye… Mom,” Mom? In the exact moment I heard the door slam close, I opened my eyes. It was not Gordon. Then who…?

“Ah!” I suddenly sat up on the bed, removing the excessive amount of blankets on top of me. The wet cloth on my forehead fell to the floor, and everything started to spin around me, until I collapsed back on the bed, dizzy and with a horrible headache. My nose was stuffed, that seriously sucked. 

I had to get out of there, find my mom and… no, no, maybe Georg was better. He could beat him. Yes, I had to call Georg and…

The door opened while I was reaching for my phone. He stopped in the doorway, staring at me with a raised eyebrow. 

“You’re up already?”

“No, I’m sleepwalking. Fuck off, don’t get close to me!” I tried to scream with a high pitched and scratchy voice, wielding my phone like it was a weapon. 

He started to laugh at my face. 

“What the hell are you doing? Come on, leave your phone, it’s not like I’ll break it!” He closed the door behind his back, smiling. My first reaction was to take the pillow and throw it at his head. “Careful, don’t think I’m stupid!” I took my biology notebook from the table and threw it at him too. He caught it mid-air and let it fall to the floor carelessly. My notes were messed up. I took the keyboard and tried to throw that at him too. “What are you doing?” He dodged it, carefully bringing it to the screen, and that restrained him enough for me to push the table in his direction. I took advantage of that, hoping I at least broke a rib or two, to open the window and try to jump into the garden. It was really high, I could break a leg… or both. 

I speed dialed Georg’s number, thinking if it better to jump or not, when I say him moving toward me with a deadly expression in his eyes. 

Dying or being left at the expense of my evil twin brother who, for the record, already took my ass virginity? Dying didn’t sound so bad. 

“You stupid bastard!” He grabbed me when I was already falling free like a bird, ready to crash into the ground. 

“No! No!” I tried to kick him, to get free, but his arms were keeping me in place, and he brought me back inside. 

“Damned son of a bitch!” I tried to kick him again, and I pulled his dreadlocks.

“Help!”

“Shut up!”

“No! Don’t rape me! No! I don’t want…”

“Don’t piss me off or I swear…!”

“Help me!”

“You’re dead.” 

“Ahhh!” His body hit mine heavily. My poor shoulders hit the floor hard, leaving me confused and immobilized in my dazed state, crushed by his body. He pressed a hand to my mouth. His furious eyes had me paralyzed with fear. 

“You’re… Dead.” That threatening tone was new to me, actually, everything he represented was new to me. I only knew that he was my twin brother, the one I haven’t seen since I was four, the one that yesterday… Slept with me. If only I knew that before if only I had at least a picture, I would never have let that happen but… His hand was roaming over my neck, and his face looked like he wanted to squeeze it and crush it, take my breath away and choke me. For the first time in my life, I felt real fear. 

He squinted and stopped. His face relaxed. I realized I was crying, shuddering with fear and cold. With his hand on my mouth and my stuffed nose, I couldn’t breath. Something must have convinced me to take pity on me, and he released me. I began to cough violently, trying to swallow much needed air. He was still on top of me, a detached expression on his face, very close. 

The night before the contact of our skin made me shiver with pleasure, now I was scared because I was still attracted to him, knowing perfectly well who he was. Oh God, was I that crazy? He had to move, he had to back away from me please, go away…

He moved back as if he heard my thoughts. He stood up without looking at me, and he put the table back in place. I was kneeling on the floor, watching him without uttering a single word, coughing while he fixed the mess I made. 

“You have to be a little more careful with what you do or say,” I heard him whisper. “I’m easily irritated, and I lose my patience very quickly.” I was about to get mad. Why didn't he say anything? Did he care about what happened last night or not? He slept with his twin brother! He couldn’t be okay with that! 

“Yesterday…” My throat was sore. I was feeling hot all over at the memory of what happened just a few hours ago. 

”Yesterday?” he raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?” I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. 

”Yesterday… At night… Me and you in that bar….?” 

”What are you talking about? It’s the firs time I see you since we were four.” 

”But...” I remained perfectly still. How could he say that we’ve never seen each other since we were separated? We spent the night together, we touched and kissed each other….we had sex. He was looking at me all serious, with his arms crossed on his chest with a certain cheekiness. The guy from yesterday night looked exactly like him, but his behavior was incredibly different. Was I wrong? He had the same voice, and the same clothes….no, I couldn’t be mistaken. Or maybe yes? A small hope lit my face when I grabbed my phone and found his number quickly, almost forgetting that my brother was in front of me. I called him and I was waiting with a stupid smile on my face, I was going crazy. My hands were sweaty. 

A phone began to ring close to me. It was not mine. My eyes started to move up and down Tom’s body, my brother’s body. I looked over every inch covered by his large clothes, looking for the source of the noise that attracted my attention, the stupid noise of that stupid rap music. He kept his phone in front of himself, to make sure I could see it perfectly well. 

On the bright screen, a word. 

Doll. 

My phone fell from my hands, and he smiled. He was laughing at me. 

”I was joking.” 

Yes, it was him. The same guy from the other night. My brother. “It was obvious, I didn’t think you would doubt seeing me face to face. You’re so silly, doll.” He caressed the edge of his phone with his lips before hanging up the call with a pleased expression. 

I felt my stomach flipping, and I knew I was losing my sense. 

”Are you gonna cry?”

”W… Why?” I could only stutter a few words. “Did you… Know that we… We're brothers?” He turned his head to my question, rolling his eyes. Maybe if he didn’t know, and he was as surprised as I was…maybe…

”Yes. I knew when you started to tell me that you were scared of your unknown brother, that you feared he could kill you, use you and rape you and…” He laughed again. “Isn’t it funny? In reality, it was not rape.” 

I stood up from the ground. “Are you totally crazy?” I raised a hand to hit him, but I felt dizzy again and I felt like I was falling. He caught me in his arms and put his cold hand on my forehead, moving the loose strands of hair. “No!! Don’t touch me!” He was furious, and he tossed me on the bed carelessly. 

”If you can scream like that, you can’t be that sick.” I saw him on all fours above me, with his hands on my shoulders. He squeezed with two fingers a spot between my neck and shoulder and I felt a strong pain paralyzing my muscles, starting from that place. 

”Aaah!” I could only scream, and I saw him smiling wickedly. I curled up on the bed, fighting the tears. 

”Stop, please, stop!”

”Stop being a drama queen” I kicked and screamed, trying to move his hands from my neck. 

”Stop it damn!”

The doorbell rang. We simultaneously looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, completely still. Was he going to move? What if he didn’t? What was he going to do with me? I was trying to picture that, fully conscious of how strong he could be. I was about to cry again when he decided to stand, hissing at the doorbell. 

”Now that things were starting to get interesting…” He walked to the door, and I stood up, annoyed and still in pain because of what he did earlier, and I followed him. When he realized my intentions, he shoved me again, causing me to fall to the ground before my bed. He left my room, and I immediately got up, running after him down the stairs. He already opened the door. 

”Is Bill here? Or I got the wrong door?” 

”Georg!?” Georg, my savior, my best friend came to the rescue! The tears I barely restrained before, now spilled from my eyes in pure relief. I jumped from the last step of the stairs, ready to leap into his arms like I was a stupid cartoon character. Considering my bad luck and the fever, I miscalculated and fell face first to the ground. 

”Ah, hopelessly clumsy as always I see, you’re a pain in the ass,” Georg said before lifting me as if I weighed nothing. 

“My head hurts,” I whined to him.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I’m sick! I have a fever, you know? And my nose is stuffy!”

“That’s disgusting.”

“So you have to be kind to me and treat me nicely!”

“Forgive me, your highness, you had your face on the floor. You want me to blow your nose?”

“Idiot!”

I laughed with him, or I tried at least. It sounded a lot like an animal grunting considering my sick voice. It was so easy to forget my problems when I was with him. “Gustav, what are you doing standing there?” That’s when I noticed him, still outside the door. My other best friend was perfectly still, paralyzed and pale. His eyes and Tom’s eyes met behind me. 

“Georg, maybe… we interrupted something?” He whispered, recovering from the shock. He stared at me, and I turned pale. He knew with whom I spent the previous night, he saw us. A shiver that raised the short hair on my arms ran through my body. 

“What? Interrupting what?” It seemed like Georg noticed Tom for the first time. He appeared troubled. “Who are you?” 

“Me? You’re my brother’s friends?” 

“Brother? Don’t tell me you’re his twin!” Tom smiled. Gustav’s eyes almost fell out of their sockets. 

“I’m Tom.” 

“Tom! But… You two don’t look alike at all! And here I was, thinking we were stuck with another Bill for the rest of our lives! It’s such a relief.”

Gustav didn’t know what to think, and I didn’t know what to say. Yesterday I slept with a man and today I realized it was my twin brother that… it’s totally crazy. The consequences were going to be horrible. 

“Well, come in Gustav!” I tried to sound normal, a little relaxed by the fact that they were next to me now. Tom wouldn’t attempt to get near me with them around, right?   
Gustav nodded and entered. 

“Sure. I think… We need to talk about something.” 

What was my brother going to do? We didn’t take our eyes off of each other since we entered the living room, paying attention to every look and gesture. I was really nervous. 

“You’re from Stuttgart?” Georg asked him, distracting him for a moment. 

“Yes.”

“They told me it’s home of the geeks.” 

“That’s what they say?”

“Yes, and that it’s always alive.”

“That’s true. You don’t have geeks though, not where I live. But I guess that considering where I live, you can only find scum.”

“Scum?”

“The gangs, criminals, thieves, alcoholics, drug addicts… people like that.” 

“You live there?” Tom shrugged his shoulders. 

“Among the filth. It’s not a big deal, and at least you don’t get bored on the streets.” I heard the conversation from the kitchen, surprised. I didn’t know anything about my brother, just that he lived with my father in Stuttgart, that he got into university with a scholarship, and that he was kicked out. I also knew that he had issues and, judging from the last hours, that he was out of his mind. I didn’t know more than that, and Georg shifted the conversation to another topic, his last answer made him uncomfortable.

“Bill? Did you faint on the way?”

“Considering that the beers are for you, I’d stop complaining!” I answered from the kitchen, taking three beers from the fridge. I didn’t think about bringing one to Tom too, but when I made it to the living room, he took it from my hands. “Hey, that’s mine!”

“You’re gonna drink alcohol while being sick? I don’t think so,” He drank from that right in front of me and Georg burst out laughing at my angry expression. 

“Oh, poor Bill! But you should be grateful that your brother worries about you. So now, if I leave you alone at home I can go back without thinking you’re gonna fall in the oven or something like that.” 

“Sure, sure.” 

“Oh come on baby brother, go, make some orange juice so you can take vitamins and get well soon” Georg laughed loudly again. Gustav’s eyes were moving between me and my brother, trying to find the perfect moment to be alone with me and asking what in the world was going on, so I decided to sit down. In that way, Tom couldn’t get close to me in front of Georg, and Gustav couldn’t ask anything. Georg was my salvation. If only I could tell him what happened without fearing he’d murder Tom… Gustav was way better with secrets. More discreet and always trying to help, at least I could rest assured no one was going to end up wounded. 

I sat next to Georg, trying to get as close as possible to him, grasping his arm. I felt sick again. 

“What’s up with the closeness Bill, my dear?” He tried to imitate my mother’s voice, laughing. I wasn’t in the mood to laugh, and laid my head on his shoulder, exhausted. 

“You don’t look well, are you okay?” Gustav touched my forehead with his hand, kneeling to my side. “You have a fever.”   
“I already know.”

“You should go to bed,” he advised. 

“I’ll come with you?” Everything was spinning. It shifted from joking between friends to almost familiar. I was used to that, to them looking at me like that, almost like my mother. 

“I don’t want to. I’m okay.” I was scared to go to bed, I feared waking up without them and that Tom could use my weakness to… I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. He was staring at us with a frown, silent and annoyed. 

“What kind of relationship do you have?” he asked suspiciously.

“Eh?” their attention shifted to him, and that bothered me. 

“Where I come from, if a guy lays his head on another’ shoulders, he could consider himself dead.”

“You come from a weird place, man. But I guess it’s normal,” Georg messed up my hair lovingly, keeping my head on his arm. “Bill is our dear spoiled brat, the adorable one, the stray kitten, our little mascot. We’ve been caring for him for so long that his mom used to call us to play babysitter when she had to go out to the grocery store.”

“Fuck you!” I blushed at that memory. I’ve always been overprotected, with my mother and with my friends too, as if I was a porcelain doll. 

“Bill is our friend,” Gustav said suddenly, his defending tone made Georg looked at him surprised. “No one, except for his mom and us has been, and will be, that close to him.” That sounded like a warning to my brother, so obvious that I swallowed nervously. Tom grazed the bottle with his lips, his piercing eyes on me again. I knew he was silently laughing. 

“I guess no.” We both knew that it was not true. In just a single night, he managed to get closer to me that everyone else I cared for. Inside me. That filled me with regrets. 

“Yesterday you were at the bar in the suburbs, right?” My eyes almost fell from my face when Gustav changed the topic like it was no big deal at all. My heart started to beat faster, and I looked at how Tom drank a few times from his beer, quiet and almost absent. 

“Yes, why?” 

“I’ve been wondering who took Bill home after the party since last time I saw him he was with you.”

“Yes, he left with me. What’s the matter with that?” My mouth fell open, staring at Tom crossing his legs and smiling, entertained, almost enjoying the questioning. He stared at me wickedly, I wasn’t sure to which extent he was willing to go to pester me. But that was…

“Nothing,” Gustav shrugged and stretched his arms. “I just thought it was weird…”

“What?” Tom interrupted, or maybe he did it just to play with me and make me even more nervous. 

“I was calling him anxiously, a few minutes after seeing you two leave together, but no one answered until like..3 hours later, on the way home. I was very scared in those hours...” He left the sentence hanging. The unasked question was obvious. What happened in those 3 hours that I was out? Then something hit me. I couldn’t hear my phone while Tom and I were working on warming each other up in his car, and when I finally took it, I noticed it was turned off, something I never do. Just in case. I kept it away in my jacket, the first thing he took off of me. Something that I couldn’t see anymore when he put me in his car, naked. 

Damn son of a bitch! He planned it from the beginning. 

“What the hell are you talking about Gustav?” Georg muttered. 

“During those three hours…” my face must have turned even paler when Tom smiled his usual grin. He was going to say it. Was he really going to say it? “If I remember correctly, during those hours me and Bill…” shut up, shut up, shut up, please shut up now, I silently begged him with my eyes, terrified. “It’s been a long time since we saw each other last time, we had a lot to talk about, and we were lucky enough to recognize each other immediately. To tell you the truth, it took him a while to recognize me, but for me a couple of sentences were enough to know that it was my little brother and… We got really excited about it. We decided to go somewhere quieter to know each other… Deeper.” He was still smiling. My face changed from a ghostly pale to a relieved one. I sighed, and Gustav relaxed a little, but I knew he was still not convinced that everything was fine. 

I was sweating buckets because of that stressing moment. I was overwhelmed, I needed water. 

“I’m going to… Get water,” I slowly stood up, feeling everyone’s eyes on the back of my head. I shivered, a small spark of electricity running down my spine. I looked at Tom over my shoulder. He was staring intently and when he noticed I was looking at him too, he teased me, licking his lips. I was hard in a moment, and I slammed the door close, leaning against that once I escaped his eyes. 

The cold disappeared, I began to feel hot and sweaty. My legs were shaking, and it was not because of the fever. I was going crazy, I was going absolutely insane! What is he going to do to me when we are alone again? No, please, no. I was trapped. I couldn’t tell anyone what happened because I started it, and now I turned into my twin’s doll. His doll…

I leaned against the door heavily, and I collapsed to the floor, covering with my hands. I started to cry. I had to calm down. If Georg or Gustav saw me like that, they’d worry and ask me to explain the reason for my tears. And I couldn’t tell the truth. I saw no escape from that. I was going to be my twin’s doll for the rest of my life… Tom’ sex toy. I couldn’t stop crying, and I was scared. I was really scared. 

“The truth it, we’re relieved to see you're finally here,” I heard Georg say in a calm and clear voice, almost sweet. My suffocated sobs made it hard for me to hear him. “Bill has been waiting for you for a long time, you know.”

“Me?” I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to contain the noise. That voice, the one that I’ve been hearing in my mind for the whole night, from the one who used me, the one that trapped me with that almost evil tone…

“Since I met Bill I think he said your name something like 8 million times. It was almost annoying how in every sentence, every topic, he could always end up talking about his twin brother. My brother, Tom lives in Stuttgart… Now he’s doing this… Maybe he likes this, maybe he likes that… I’m sure he has a lot of friends, I’m sure he’s amazing, he must be strong and funny… I’m sure we’re going to be always together when he finally arrives…”

“Every day, all day long. I don’t even know how I put up with that. He was so excited to finally meet you,” I stopped crying. With each one of his words, I wanted to hear more. 

“I remember that… Well, you see, Bill has always been really clumsy, with a big mouth, and often he got into trouble with bullies, more than once he made them angry. When we tried to defend him and help him, when they were making fun of him, he often said, “When my brother arrives, he’s going to beat you.” I heard Georg laughing again, the noise muffled from the door.

I remember that incident very well. 

“I guess that it was his biggest dream for Bill to know you.” Yes, it was. It has always been. The thought of my brother, who he was, what he looked like, what he did… I was always thinking about him when my mind was free, I automatically thought of him. When I was sad, I used to think about having him close and sharing the feeling, and that was enough to make me feel better. When I was happy, I liked to think he was happy too. 

When I blew over the candles on my birthday cake, I always made the same wish. I wanna meet Tom, I wanna meet my brother. My dream came true. 

“Bill was waiting for you. When he was in doubt about something, he tried to think about you, about what you’d tell him to do if you were here. He paid more attention to you, a shadow of what he remembered, that to us. For this reason…” I dried my tears. “Don‘t let him down. Don’t disappoint him. He was expecting some sort of fairy tale. He wanted you more than anything, without even knowing you. It would be horrible for him to see that… You are not what he thinks you are” Gustav’s words hit me somehow, made me think and convinced me to stand up. 

I wanted to know him since I was young, and now that he was right there in front of me, I was scared of him? Sure, he was not a regular brother, sure he used me, and sure he pestered me, we’ve been together, and he used the situation to his advantage, but…He was still my brother. Mine. Was there in him something of what I’ve been waiting for? Something nice, sweet, brotherly? That was something I had to discover myself. Truth to be told, I still wanted to know him. The fact that we’ve been together only made the desire to know him stronger. 

But I was not going to be his doll. 

“Bill, we’re leaving!”

“If you’re drowning in the sink don’t worry about coming!” Were they leaving already? I decided to confront Tom but not so soon! I ran to the door, where I struggled not to jump into Gustav's arm and beg him not to leave. Tom was waving them off laughing, already planning a day to meet again. Apparently he and Georg got along well, that was worrying me. 

“Are you sure… You don’t wanna stay a little longer?”

“I don’t wanna catch anything, Bill, we have classes tomorrow.”

“Sure, psychology,” I whispered. It was my first year, Georg was in his third and sometimes he helped me out and let me borrow his notes. Gustav was in his second I.T year, as a programmer or something like that. He was a sight to see with a computer. 

“And you, Tom? What are you studying?” Gustav asked him. He was silent for a while before coming up with an answer. 

“Media. I’m not as quick and smart as you, I’m just studying while I search for a job.” I was wondering if he was telling the truth. I guessed so, considering his smile at our stunned face, but he didn’t add more. 

“So we’ll see each other tomorrow there. Take care, Bill!” I swallowed nervously.

“I will.” 

“Take care of him for me, yes?” Tom smiled looking at me. My heart started to beat faster. 

“Don’t worry.” I saw them leaving, and Gustav looked at me over his shoulder. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off, and he was right. I was about to drag myself after them and to ask them to stay, or to take me with them, but Tom suddenly closed the door before I could make up my mind. I instinctively stepped back, without taking my eyes from him. We were staring at each other in silence, trying to figure out what was going through the other’s head and judging from his evil smile, nothing good. 

“You heard that. They asked me to take care of you…” I watched him move closer, ready to jump me like an animal with his prey. I started to get really nervous, I was paralyzed while he came toward me. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. The desire to know him disappeared with fear, and my reaction was to turn and run to my room. As soon as I took the first step on the stair, he grabbed my hair and pulled me toward him until I fell against him. 

“Ah!” I screamed. He hurt me again, and I began to fear how much pain he’d cause me if I tried to resist again. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me against his body. I started to claw at his hand, trying to stop him from getting any lower. “Stay still!” 

“I’m not gonna let you escape again.”

“You can’t be that crazy, you must realize what you’re doing! Brothers! Do you understand this fucking word?!” He was pulling my hair while I was trying to reason with him and put some common sense in that broken mind of his, maybe it was not too late to lose… my brother. 

“You wanted to know me, right? They told me how much you wanted to know how I was. And for your information I don’t regret what happened, I don’t take back anything that I did!” he screamed at me.

“When they sent me here, when they told me about my brother, I just thought you were another inconvenience, you mean nothing to me. Then I saw you… and I realized I could use you for something.” My anger spiraled at those words, I tried to hit him as harshly as I could, temporarily forgetting about the fact that he was pulling my hair and consequently losing my balance. He released me, and I fell to the floor, but instead of running, I turned around and grabbed the neck of his shirt, restraining me from punching him. 

“I’ve been waiting for you for 15 fucking years! My dream was meeting you! Meeting my brother, my twin, and never part from him! I want my brother, I need him! What did you do to him?” I was furious. Tom was just smiling, apparently he found it funny that I was screaming. I couldn’t believe that someone so numb and cold existed, and before I realized it, I slapped him angrily.

He immediately reacted, he grabbed me by the neck, hit me and made me fell face to the floor, keeping his hand right over my head to make sure I couldn’t stand up. He was on my back, on top of me. 

“I hate you… I hate you, I hate you!” I tried to kick him to get free. 

“So what? Everybody hates me, stop saying it like it was an insult” that bothered him and I was still upset. 

“Everyone hates you? I’m not surprised!” He forced me to turn around, and I immediately felt a burning pain in my chin, where he hit me. Suddenly I realized how stupid I was to think that I could do something for him. He was stronger, easier to anger, more violent, and he didn’t want to see any reason. The worst thing was that he wanted me, and when I fully realized what it meant, it was too late. 

I didn’t mean to cry, I didn’t want to let him win, but I couldn’t contain myself, I broke apart sobbing, shivering with fear under him. He moved over me slowly, with his hands on my hips, and I put mine on his shoulders, shaking my head between frightened tears. “No…, please… don’t…” My voice sounded pathetic even to my ears, but to my surprise, his cold expression changed to an uncertain one. 

“Shit,” he whispered. “Who do you think I am? I’m not a rapist. I’m a bad person, a criminal, someone you can’t trust, but a rapist no, never. That’s horrible.” His words managed to make me feel a little better. I didn’t know why, but I was sure I could trust those words, even if he was still on top of me. I moved my arms from his shoulders and covered my eyes, still frightened and crying. My chin hurt.

“You… You hit me.”

“You make it sound like no one ever did something to you. I never expected you to cry so much just for that. If I knew, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“You harassed me all day…”

“You were very annoying, and I’m easily irritated, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“Oh please stop crying!” He asked tiredly. “I won’t hurt you.” He was still on top of me, and I was still scared and freaked out. “Come on, what do I have to do to make you stop crying? I’ll do everything you ask.”

I immediately moved my hand from my eyes, staring at him surprised. I remembered those words very well, they were the same words he used the night before to calm me down, while he was naked over me, and touching me, slow and gentle…and I loved that side of him. Could it be that not everything that happened was a lie?

“Why…?” he raised his eyebrow, and I carefully measured my words. “You knew we were brothers… Why did you do that? If I knew…”

“I didn’t stop to think about it,” He interrupted. “You were there. Since I entered that bar until I left, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I didn’t know who you were, actually at first I thought you were a woman.” I swallowed. He couldn’t even imagine how much it hurt me to hear him say that he thought I was a girl. It was humiliating and painful, and tears spilled from my eyes again. He sighed. 

“In my mind, realizing that you were a guy, should have been enough to stop me, but it didn’t. I knew I had to get close to you and check out why the hell you had to catch my attention so much, that’s why I came near you,” he said shrugging his shoulders. “That’s all.”

“No, it’s not all! Until then, you didn’t know who I was…”

“Yes, so? The fact that later I found out that you were my brother didn’t change the first fact.” I dried my tears again, my nose running. 

“What other fact?” My voice sounded horribly high pitched, it was pathetic. 

“The fact that you… Well, how can I say it to make someone like you understand without being rude?” He seemed to think hard about that. My head was spinning again, and on the floor I was feeling cold. My hands hid my eyes from him, I felt weak, and I had the feeling that if I looked at him, I’d turn red. I felt like drowning for how much I was panting and I wanted to disappear. 

Suddenly I felt something warm brushing my lips. I felt his breath on my mouth, slipping between my lips like a remedy against the cold in my body. I shivered and sighed. He gently covered my lips with his own, careful, almost as if I was scared to break me. My tears immediately stopped.

Our lips locked. I felt the tip of his tongue licking the corner of my lips, and I opened my mouth, fitting perfectly with his own. I removed my hands from my eyes and let them fall to the floor while he covered me with his body. I could feel him above me, his form, his hard muscles, and I wanted to touch him again like I did the other night. 

I felt very hot now. He started to move his lips, brushed over mine almost roughly, trying to capture them, sharing our breaths and playing with my tongue, trying to go deeper… I wanted nothing more than that kiss. 

My hands were moving on their own will, trying to take my shirt out of the way and discard it. I was too hot, and the contact with my skin made me shudder when his cold hands found my flat stomach. He was panting too, and he parted our lips, our tongues touching one last time. I noticed how a small thread of saliva managed to escape me, and I immediately closed my mouth, biting my lower lip and blushing, his eyes following my every movement. He began to lower his hand until he met my pants, sneaking under the waistband. 

My stomach flipped at his cold fingers caressing the base of my cock. I was shivering with pleasure under him. I raised my hands to clutch his dreadlocks, trying to find something to desperately hold on to while his rough fingers closed over my hard on pleasuring me. His movements were fast, and I could feel the fabric of my pants grazing the tip of my cock every time he pumped his wrist, creating a visible bulge. 

My mouth fell open. Small moans escaped my throat, and he seemed to enjoy the fact that he was causing them. 

“You’re moaning so loud…” I heard him say in a deep voice. I felt his other hand on my back, under my shirt, separating me from the floor and pulling me up enough to feel our breaths mingle over my lips. I could feel the heat radiating from his body when the distance between us disappeared. 

“Brother… Brother… It doesn’t look like you care about that when I touch you like this,” He squeezed my cock almost too roughly, making me feel pleasure tinted with pain. I let a small scream escaped me, and he smiled. 

“Don’t… Laugh…” I held his new hoodie with my hands. I hid between the blankets the one he gave me the previous night, his scent still on it. 

“I like to see your face while I do this.” I buried my head in his neck, his dreadlocks tickling my face, blushing at the idea of the expression I had on now. “That innocent face turns me on so much.” I swallowed nervously. 

“It’s not fair…”I tugged on his hoodie. I wanted him to take it off, to take everything off and rub myself over his naked body again, but he quickly took away the hand he was using to fondle and massage my hard cock. He pushed my hands away from him and pressed his body over my half naked one, leaving me flushed under him on the floor. 

“You wanted to know more about me, right? That’s what you were dreaming, doll. I’ll tell you something…” He rubbed against me roughly, causing me to tremble in his hold and see stars, I couldn’t restrain my pleasured moans, and I almost shouted when I felt his hard cock brushing against mine. 

“I hate not being in control. If I’m not in control, the game is not worth playing.” His tongue moved over my jawline until it reached my lips, licking them and leaving a small bite that made my heart beat faster. “Remember it for the next time, doll,” he said before abandoning me. He stood up and smirked down at me. I was shivering on the floor, his warmth gone. I moved to curl up a little, trying to escape his eyes, bringing my hands between my thighs and pressing on my groin. 

My pants were so tight it hurt. I needed my release…

“Don’t think about doing it in front of me, doll.” He kept staring at me, his arms crossed. 

“Stop calling me that!” I quickly stood up, blushing and feeling like an idiot. I lowered my shirt until not even an inch of my skin was visible, and I ran past him to the bathroom. He didn’t stop me, he just smiled wickedly. 

I locked myself in the bathroom and quickly took my clothes off, checking to make sure the door was closed. I started the shower, and I kept looking down at my hard crotch, ashamed of me. I couldn’t believe that he made me so hard with just a few touches. 

I kept checking the door during the two hours I was in the bath, and in my mind, I imagined opening the door, no one was home except for the two of us. I thought about leaving him the chance to join me, desperately wishing it was his hand on me, instead of my own, touching me like I was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading it, I'd love to know if you like it or not so leave me a comment please!


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Hope you all enjoy this new chapter!

“Mom, you’re phone is here!” My mom was as forgetful and clumsy as me. She left everything around and later she couldn’t find anything. She lost the keys four times, and one of those times we had to stay over at Gustav’s because the locksmith couldn’t come until the next day. I couldn’t complain though, I was exactly the same. I lost my phone twice already. Well, technically once, but the second time I found it again in the washing machine after a deep wash and the poor thing didn’t survive the water.

“Oh thank you, my dear, I wouldn’t know what to do without you,” my mother said kissing me on the cheek before disappearing into the bathroom to finish her make up. I put everything on the table for breakfast, and I started to eat.

“You’re leaving with Gordon right?”

“How do you….”

“Mom, you’re all dressed up. You don’t go to court like that.”

“You know me so well, dear.”

“Well…”

“You like Gordon, darling?” I shrugged. I couldn’t say much, I wasn’t seeing him very often, but he seemed like a decent person.

“Yes, he’s perfectly fine!”

“I’m glad to hear that. You know I value your opinion, honey!” I sipped my orange juice slowly. “And what about Tom? You two get along?” I spit what little I drank, lowering the glass and coughing. My mother appeared in the doorway, wearing white gold earrings so bright that it looked like diamonds shining blindly under the sun. “Darling?”

“I’m okay…” I tried to breathe normally. “Me and Tom…we get along well so far.” It was the biggest lie I’ve ever said in my life. How was I supposed to get along well with that wannabe thug that had me trapped? Cornered like the mouse with the cat! My life changed in a night, and in the most humiliating way possible, he used me like a whore.

If he paid me, I could say I was officially his whore. It was mortifying! And even more pathetic and weird was the fact that I let him play me again after I knew who he was and how evil he was with me. I knew he was using me, and I let him touch me and kiss me again. Again! I had horrible dark circles around my eyes, I couldn’t sleep at all. After the shower, I locked myself in my room, and I never left to have dinner or cook something.

Tom knocked. I curled up in my bed, hugging the pillow and trying to disappear under the blankets twisted around me.

“Doll?” I didn’t answer, and I shut my eyes. Shit, I needed a bolt for my door. “Are you there?” I bit my lip nervously. I didn’t want to answer, no way. “How was your shower? Did you cool down enough? If you’re too cold you know I could help you warming up.”

“Fuck off!” Tom laughed. I was grinding my teeth. Damn, I said I didn’t want to answer.

“Fine, fine. I just wanted to tell you that your mother left money for pizza, and it’s here. You like it?”

“Leave me alone!”

“You don’t like me? Even better, I ordered it with double cheese.” I growled between my teeth. “If you don’t want it, just say so. More for me. I honestly don’t care if you starve yourself.” I had to bite my tongue to keep quiet. “Come on, doll…” A tense silence settled for a few seconds. “Bill, it’s…” I puffed my cheeks. Even if he was calling my name, I still tried not to answer. “I hate that you ignore me, Bill.”

“And why should I care?” I heard him sigh. I barely had the time to sit up quickly on my bed and move as far as possible from the door. Suddenly I saw the door opening, he was entering with a regular pizza box in his hands. It smelled so delicious that my mouth was almost watering. “You want some?” He opened the box in front of me, tempting me with it. I turned around avoiding him. “If mom realizes I left you without dinner she’ll get mad at me.”

“Mom?” I squinted my eyes at him. Was He calling mom my mother? Already? How could he do that? It wasn’t his mom…well, technically yes, but I refused to accept him as a brother and son of my mother. He had nothing to do with me, he was just a pain in the ass.

“It’s my mother too.”

I was about to spit in his face. He frowned and took a slice of pizza, moving it close to me again. I smelled so good…

“You want it or not?” I swallowed nervously.

“No.”

“You sure? I didn’t poison it if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I don’t want any.”

“Look, how can I say it? You better eat it, or I’ll shove it up your ass. Understand?” I stepped back. “And if you keep acting like this, I’ll put something else in your ass too.” He was threatening me again, but I didn’t want to give up. He already destroyed too much of my pride to let this pass too.

I looked at the slice in front of me and after taking a deep breath I spit on it. I smiled triumphantly at the shocked face Tom made to me, but the worry immediately came back to me as soon as I noticed his furious look.

“Anyone ever broke your nose? Because that’s what's about to happen.” He quickly grabbed my hair and pulled them painfully. I clenched my teeth and tried to move away from him. “I tried to be a good brother for you, I tried to care for you and be nice, and I even brought you dinner.” He carelessly threw the box on the floor. He pulled my hair harshly again. “Don’t piss me off!” He screamed at me. For a moment, I felt my legs shaking, and tears were already forming in my eyes. He released me and silently turned to leave the room.

I was furious with him and especially with myself. How could I put up with him if a few screams and pulls of my hair were enough to scare me? I’ve never thought I was so weak before meeting him. He had no rights to do that to me. It was my house, my mother was my family, my friends were mine only, he was here just temporarily, and he had no rights to consider himself superior.

I dried my tears, took the pizza box and crossed the hallway to his room (mine, until I was four.) He was resting on the bed, his headphones on and his eyes closed. He didn’t notice I was there. I took a deep breath, collecting enough courage, and trying not to think about what he was going to do to me after. I walked to him, staring at him intently, and I opened the pizza box. It looked like he was sleeping, and he was…calm, with his eyes closed, not wearing his hat. He looked nice and relaxed. He seemed like the same person that the previous night made me feel so special.

The two times we touched, he showed his nice face, almost gentle and sweet. Why couldn't he be like that all the time? Why only when we were kissing he showed a less violent character? It was useless to think about it and without turning back I poured the content of the box on top of him. Instinctively, I moved back as soon as I saw him standing up from his bed, removing his headphones and trying to clean up as best as he could.

“Son of a bitch!”

“Shut up!” I screamed back at him, gathering my courage once again to make sure my voice was not shaky. “Now you’ll listen to me! This is my house, not yours. My mother is my family, not yours. My friends are not your friends too. You don’t have anything here in this city, nothing at all, you’re alone, and you have to stop being cocky and showing off. You have to stop trying to dominate someone that doesn’t belong to you and that you don’t deserve!” After that, I was paralyzed near his door. He was staring at me, not with hate or anger, he was just staring. He made a weird noise that sounded like a warning, and I run as fast as I could to my room, slamming the door closed. I sighed and leaned against it, waiting for him to come to me and beat me, hurt me or something but he didn’t. I kneeled by the door, constantly alert for any noise or sign that he was coming, but I couldn’t hear anything.

I spent the night curled up by the door, waiting and thinking. I kept turning and shifting around for hours and hours, trying to find a comfortable position. Finally too exhausted to do anything else, I let myself fall into a troubled sleep for a couple of hours on the floor.

I woke up at dawn, still on the cold floor, when I heard the sound of a car leaving our garage quietly. Usually I don’t wake up because of small sound, my mother was always leaving very early, and that didn’t set me off, but this was not her car. I was sure that the noise was too soft to be hers when the car pulled out.

I got up. I had on top of me the hoodie that he gave me the night we met after we…did it. I wasn’t wearing it when I fell asleep, though. It was still cold.

I looked at my bed. The pillows were scattered around, and I swallowed nervously. He did this? If it was him, he must have realized I slept with his hoodie close to me. Oh, what a shame! I ran to his room and opened the door quietly. He was not there. Now I was sure it was his car I heard moments ago and the first thing I thought was that he left. He's gone because I made him feel guilty with my words.

Great, even better for me.

I was supposed to think like that, but I didn’t. I was worried, and I felt guilty and bad for what I told him.

A few moments later my mother arrived, touching up a little before going to work, and I started to get dressed, fixing myself to go to university.

“Tom went to the university so early, dear? I thought he was going with you?” I sighed.

“I don’t know, he didn’t say anything before leaving” I was nervously playing with my phone, checking to see if I had a missed call or something, but it was always silent. He didn’t call. At least he could do it to reassure us that he was fine and going back to Stuttgart.

The doorbell rang. I quickly stood up from my seat and run to the door.

“Ready to walk in hell, young one?” It was Georg. “Oh nice, I can already see that you’re not that happy to see me!” I sighed.

“It’s not that Georgi,” I said. I knew he hated when I called him Georgi.

“You’re risking your delicate head, Bill.” I could only pout.

“Okay man, tell me what’s going on. I’m getting worried, are you still sick?”

“No.”

“You’re in pain?”

“No.”

“Oh, I know what’s going on! I told you to go easy on the hairspray, it can’t be healthy to sniff two bottles a day.”

“Fuck off.”

“I love your hair, Billy,” he said barely containing his smile. I rolled my eyes.

“Is it that bad?”

“No, if what you want is to look like a porcupine.”

“Fine, let’s go before I change my mind.”

The university was a little far from my house, and even further for Georg and Gustav. I was lucky enough to have friends with a driving license and cars, even a nice one, though not as nice as the big Cadillac Tom had…Shit, I was thinking about him again!

My friends came to give me a lift since my house was on the way, well, for Georg it was, but for Gustav it was on the other side of the city. He still came no matter what if Georg didn’t. They go through so many troubles for me…They were like two big brothers for me.

“Bill, not to bother you, but you have a really ugly zombie face.”

“Leave me alone” I started to watch outside the window from the passenger seat side, lost in thoughts.

“Your brother went to university already?”

“Again with Tom! Stop talking about Tom!”

“But I’ve never talked about him, it’s you that usually can’t shut up about him!”

“That’s a lie! I’ve never talked about Tom, I hate him!”

“Oh, now I see. You two don’t get along well.”

“Absolutely no!”

“Okay, it’s bad. You wanted to meet him so much!”

“Lies! I never wanted to see him, he’s dead to me!”

“Okay, fine, it’s impossible to talk to you when you’re like this. I’ll shut up and wait until you’re in a better mood before you kill me.”

I crossed my arms annoyed. It’s… It’s just that Tom left like it was no big deal! I didn’t care, but he could at least have said goodbye or talked to mom. But no, he just left after ruining my existence, sleeping with me and treating me like a dirty doll.

Hell, I was still his damned doll.

Suddenly I felt my phone vibrating in my jeans’ pocket. My bad mood disappeared, and I grabbed the phone so anxiously that I almost dropped it, checking it with shaky hands.

A new text. From Him.

Open, open. Now.

**I’m sorry…**

I’m sorry? I’m sorry! What was that even supposed to mean!

_**Why?** _

I pressed send.

“Who’s that?” Georg asked.

“Nothing important.” I kept staring at the screen, unable to move my eyes from it. It seemed like time was standing still while I was waiting for his answer.

**I’m not upset, and you were right. It’s your life, not mine. I didn’t wanna hurt you.**

I knew I was right but…

**_I didn’t want to hurt you too. And I’m not upset anymore too after what I told you._ **

“You’re incredibly entertained by whatever this nothing is.”

“Georg, this it’s really important!”

“Oh come on Bill! We’re friends, can’t you tell me?”

“No!”

“Come on!”

**But you were right. I’m nobody, I have no rights to enter your life and throw in your face that we spent the night together on Saturday.**

Yes. I was right, and he was not. Good.

**_I know. It bothers me that you do it, I hate that._ **

“Georg stop spying!” He was trying to see what I was writing but at this rate we could have crashed.

“You’re not talking with that Natalie bitch right?”

“No, I’m not…and she’s not a bitch just because we broke up. Things weren’t going so well between us.”

“Always the same excuse!”

**Do you hate me?**

That question left me puzzled for a moment. Did I hate him? Of course, I did! Then why was I texting him? Why was I worried that he may have left? That was a good question. To tell the truth…I didn’t want him to go.

**_I don’t hate you. You’re scary when you’re angry._ **

“Natalie was weird, Bill, stop deceiving yourself.”

“I’m not talking to her Georg, stop it.”

**I don’t want you to fear me. I don’t want you to hate me.**

I sighed. I couldn’t help the smile that lifted my lips while I was writing.

_**And I don’t want you to leave. Stay.** _

After no more than 20 seconds, I had a new text.

**Why do you want me to stay after everything?**

_**I don’t think you’re that bad, and I still want to know you.** _

**Do you want to analyze me, wannabe shrink?**

_**If you’ll allow me…** _

**Only if you let me analyze you.**

_**You’re not a wannabe shrink.** _

**No. But I want you for me.**

His words left me feeling very nervous, and my hands started to shake violently.

_**What do you mean?** _

**What do you want it to mean?**

“Bill? Are you okay? You’re shaking like my grandmother.”

“Georg, I’m trying to concentrate, please…”

“Sure, sure, I’ll shut up.”

Another new message. He didn’t leave me enough time to answer.

**I’ll be a good brother to you, from now on. I promise.**

I trusted those words, even if they were in a text, and we were not talking face to face. Maybe it was because I wanted nothing more in the world than to be able to trust him.

**_Thank you for this morning._ **

I was finally able to relax.

**You’re welcome.**

I smiled. After all, Tom was not that bad.

“Georg!” One of Georg’s hand closed over my phone, pulling it toward him, trying to take it.

“Give it!”

“You idiot, we’re gonna crash!” A truck’s horn made Georg drop my phone and with a sharp turn he avoided the huge truck that almost hit us. My body was hastily pulled to the left, and I banged my head on the window. Georg stopped the car in the middle of the road. When I pulled away from the window, I was shaking. Georg kept staring right in front of himself, his eyes wide open, clutching the steering wheel.

We looked at each other.

“G…Georg…”

“What?”

“I think…I think tomorrow I’ll take the bus.” He nodded his head and started the car again. I bent down to grab my phone, fallen at my feet, my hands still shaking badly.

A new message.

I pressed ‘open’ very slowly.

**You’re really cold in the morning, you know? Your lips were icy, and like a good brother, I had to warm you up. I think I did it good, you didn’t realize when I started to warm up your chest. I thought about doing more, but since now I’m just a good brother…You don’t have to think me, you’re welcome, you’re very welcome doll. Kiss.**

I felt my body melting. I looked at Georg out of the corner of my eyes, carefully making sure he was not going to look at me at the wrong time. I noticed that now, after almost splitting our brains on the road, his eyes were fixed on the street.

I raised my shirt a little.

I turned red all over, caressing the small red dots that were scattered all over my chest. How come I didn’t wake up while he was doing this? While he was touching me with his lips, sucking my skin in his mouth, kissing me while I slept, kissing me and moving his tongue over my lips, biting my chest. I also had small bites around my nipples.

I felt hot at the mere thought of what he did.

The red spots stopped in a covered place over my hip, and I saw words, right above my star tattoo. The tattoo my mother didn’t know about even if I did it almost three years ago, with the neck and arms one, and it was better for her never to see them.

I tried to read the message with the rear mirror.

**Property of Tom Kaulitz.**

The name of the doll’s owner.

I lowered my shirt embarrassed, I wanted to find a private place, lock myself in the bathroom, let my hand slip inside my pants and made the arousal go away.

I wanted him to touch me, him who dared to put something like that on my skin.

Now I truly turned into his damned doll and…I wasn’t sure that I was upset about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, new comments...right guys? I'll be waiting!


	5. update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Important news, you'll find new chapters here! http://archiveofourown.org/works/5324066/chapters/12292601

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapters here! http://archiveofourown.org/works/5324066/chapters/12292601

Hello guys, I'm back!   
First of all thank you so much for the love and support you showed me, it means the world to me! I'm grateful for every single one of you and I'm so happy you like this work! 

As you surely noticed, I didn't update for a while. I'm way too busy to keep up with this now, BUT! Someone is taking care of the updates, so you can finally get more chapters! 

You'll find everything under this link, please visit it for updates! 

http://archiveofourown.org/works/5324066/chapters/12292601

http://archiveofourown.org/works/5324066/chapters/12292601

http://archiveofourown.org/works/5324066/chapters/12292601

http://archiveofourown.org/works/5324066/chapters/12292601

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapters here! http://archiveofourown.org/works/5324066/chapters/12292601

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a lot to everyone who's taking the time to read this, please leave a comment! Positive or negative, a review is a review and it always helps, so please feed the review monster!


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